Confrontation: the Invisible Context of our Existence
The Art behind Conquering Assertiveness and Master Confidence
Confrontation is often associated with aggression—think of clashes of opinions, heated arguments, or even armed conflicts. But this perception overlooks the vast difference between aggression, a basic and often blind survival mechanism, and the art of assertiveness. How could anything be affirmed or asserted if one were deprived of confrontation?
For the moment, particularly in the context of public speaking, performance, and better communication skills, I’d like to move beyond the common understanding of confrontation for a more revealing exploration.
Assertion: The Omnipresence of Confrontation
There isn’t a moment in our lives when the power of confrontation isn't fully active. Every breath we take involves our entire body confronting the elements necessary to fill our lungs with air. Every time we get into a car, we confront the minute adjustments required to start it. Speaking involves our brain, body, muscles, and senses confronting various elements to produce sound on physical, emotional, and mental levels. Even the blood running through our veins and the cells regenerating within us are acts of confrontation. Simply put, confrontation is the essence of life.
Life is a continuous motion of energy, and that energy, to validate itself, requires constant confrontation. Consider gravity: everything on earth confronts gravity to survive and thrive—a snowflake descending, a flower blooming, a bird flapping its wings, an engine running, my fingers typing, the wind brushing your face, or even the critiquing of a strategy at the office.
The list is endless, and you will not find a single instance of "manifested life" outside the context of confrontation. Even in the deepest meditation, confrontation persists as our bodies navigate the act of breathing through time.
The Art of Confrontation: A Path to Aliveness and Wellbeing
Aliveness and well-being are also functions of the art of confrontation. To live is to both confront and be receptive to confrontation. The need to be assertive or confrontational arises constantly, yet many people go to great lengths to avoid confrontation. This avoidance is a superstition we often live by. Confrontation may lead to anger, shame, regret, or hurt. But are we truly afraid of accountability or responsibility? I don’t believe so. Rather, I believe we fail to hold confrontation in the high regard it deserves.
Collectively, we've distanced ourselves from confrontation, which paradoxically forms the foundation of confident living, playing, and working. Consider this: when we confront our fears, we ultimately overcome them. Whether it's cleaning up a mess, navigating a difficult situation, challenging a falsehood, addressing failure, exploring possibilities, seizing opportunities, standing before an audience, or embarking on a new business venture, we engage in a process of self-realization.
Confrontation isn't merely about external conflicts; it's about embracing a universal context that makes us whole. It's the path to rediscovering our innate potential.
Mastering the Art of Confrontation
To confront is to possess the remarkable ability to face challenges without flinching or fleeing. It is an intimate, inescapable power that allows us to address reality head-on, bringing forth much-needed clarity. The art of confrontation is inherently natural, free from aggression or passive aggression. Both laughter and joy are steeped in confrontation, essential for their full expression.
When we confront, we fully immerse ourselves in the present moment, engaging in thoughtful introspection within the confrontation itself rather than beforehand. This is where the true risk and challenge lie. The capacity to confront isn't merely a personal attribute; it's a wellspring of attractiveness and charisma, revealing our character to the world. After all, an unchallenged character remains merely potential, waiting to be realized.
Self-Discovery Through Confrontation
Knowing oneself requires the open confrontation of our inner thoughts and emotions. It is from this vantage point that we cultivate not only our confidence but also our self-esteem. Often, we associate confrontation solely with interactions involving others. However, I strongly believe that if you were to confront the feelings, thoughts, and ideas you've been avoiding, your sense of vitality and energy would undergo a profound transformation.
The Power of Self-Talk and Externalization
To support this journey of self-discovery, I use a technique I call "talking to myself." The act of externalizing our thoughts and emotions through self-dialogue proves to be profoundly therapeutic across all aspects of life. This principle is rooted in the world of acting and art, where individuals unlock their innate capacity to confront by externalizing their inner selves.
I am not referring to the chatter that goes on 24/7 between our ears. Instead, this technique involves a projection of yourself through words onto an object at least four feet away i.e. a small painting on your office wall. Very much like talking to someone, focusing on their eyes, and starting a dialogue. If you can push past the strangeness of the exercise, you will quickly realize that by “externalizing yourself” and interacting, you will embark on a journey of self-acceptance unavailable through other therapies. Without a comfortable physical distance, it is impossible to relate. (Naturally, I am excluding close intimate expressions such as cuddling or hugging.)
It begins with small phrases such as “I see you”, and "Do you see me?” It is important to stay focused on a small area the size of a dime or a quarter so you can spot it. Eventually, you will add yes and no questions, never open-ended as open-ended questions take you back to your mind. At first, you will discover how embarrassed you might get at reaching out to a spot or dot (yourself). As you travel beyond awkwardness, it becomes easier. Keep repeating the sentence until you connect. You’ll feel it instantly. You then begin relaxing and breathing better. As you get more comfortable, start volunteering some of the things you’ve been going through in your life. In other words, share, confide, and commune with the spot (the dime). In my experience, there is no better way to truly connect with yourself and reach emotional clarity.
As George Bernard Shaw eloquently put it, "Acting is the art of revealing yourself to yourself, raised to the optic of the theater." In simpler terms, genuine revelation occurs only when we confront our true feelings, especially in the public eye, which the exercise above provides. Public expression inadvertently exposes and externalizes what we are willing to confront, providing us with a platform for self-realization.
Life as a Stage of Confrontation
Life unfolds as a grand stage when we find the courage to externalize and confront our desires, pains, and needs, whether in our interactions with others or in facing challenging situations.
It is important to recognize that political correctness often serves as a means to avoid confrontation. Yet, there is nothing commendable about shrinking away from the constant challenge of existence.
Confronting an audience is one of the most formidable challenges we can face, precisely because it forces us to confront dimensions of ourselves that we may have never encountered before. Speaking or performing in public becomes a subconscious platform for profound self-revelation, leading to empowering self-knowledge and a deep sense of vitality and confidence.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Husband | Performance & Leadership Coach | Visual Artist & Author |
These articles aim to help the reader gain insights into personal growth and development. My work as a mentor is to catalyze awareness and empower creative thinking.
My writings are essays in intuitive awareness, offered as musings to enhance personal effectiveness, fulfillment, and greater clarity of purpose.
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