Fear of Speaking & Other Tales from the Crypt

How to Escape the Illusion of Fear when We Speak in Public

Jan 28, 2025

You might have heard comedian Jerry Seinfeld's joke that at funerals, most people would rather be “in the coffin” than giving a speech. It’s a humorous way to highlight how deep the fear of public speaking runs in human psychology.

But why is it so common? Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist Sigmund Freud offered keen insights into anxiety, describing it as a repressive mechanism. Anxiety, he believed, is the root of repression. It emerges when we project past traumas or imagined fears of trauma onto present situations. This mechanism is particularly active when there’s no actual physical danger—a hallmark of the fear of public speaking.

When we dread speaking in public, we subconsciously project onto the audience what we perceive as "flawed" or "detestable" about ourselves. This projection amplifies our self-criticism. Often, it stems from past experiences of being laughed at, bullied, ridiculed, humiliated, or having seen someone else exposed to ridicule. The mind, left unchecked, conjures worst-case scenarios—a psychological hallucination—to use the correct terminology. What’s fascinating is how seamlessly this happens beneath our conscious awareness.

The Stage: A Symbolic and Ancestral Arena

The fear of public speaking is not just about the act itself. The stage is originally a religious and ceremonious tradition. It’s a ceremonial and sacred space—a place where our ancestors once confronted the unknown, sought divine favor, or celebrated societal rituals. The stage connects us to primal fears of rejection, scrutiny, and even existential uncertainty. No wonder standing on it can feel like stepping into an arena.

And yet, the stage also offers an ironic gift. It grants us the opportunity to step back, observe, and contain what is happening within us. The very act of being on stage invites a kind of self-awareness that is both terrifying and liberating.

The Mind’s Fear-Based Wiring

The mind, left to its own devices, operates from a fear-based perspective—it runs on fear—certain it is protecting us. It scans for danger, evaluates threats, and analyzes situations through a survival lens. This mechanism, while invaluable in actual physical danger, becomes counterproductive when applied to non-threatening contexts like public speaking. The mind’s intent is to protect us, but it often achieves the opposite by conjuring imaginary threats under the guise of “safety”.

What’s vital to recognize is that survival instincts and intuition are always present, providing a solid foundation of safety. However, the mind’s ability to fabricate fears—“making-up stuff that doesn’t exist”—can overshadow this grounding. Understanding this distinction is key to disarming the fear.

How to Escape the Illusion of Fear

Identify and Address the Root Fear: The very first thing to recognize is that you are “in your mind”. It is a huge step in the right direction! What you "think" is happening has taken you hostage. The seeing that it’s “just what you think” makes it disappear. It’s very much like bringing your own Hostage Negotiator to the scene.
If emotion is "energy in motion", so is anxiety and pressure. If you deny or resist it, it will intensify. The mind knows how to “emotionalize” our thoughts—don’t be seduced by that!
Reflect on past experiences that might fuel your fear of speaking. Recognizing these origins can help demystify your anxiety and put you back in the driver's seat.
Shift Perspective: The second thing to do is to check back in your body. The body knows if danger is real or not. If you took a trip in the past or the future, breathe into it and begin to see with your senses, not your thoughts. Now is the time to come back and touch ground again. Realize that your mind will keep “projecting” and that there is nothing you can do about it, except watch it, accept it, and laugh at it.
Leverage Your Power of Observation: Treat the experience as an opportunity to learn about yourself—it’s perfectly normal to get nervous. Observing your thoughts with curiosity rather than judgment. Shake hands with someone before you go on stage or before you begin your speech.
Ground Yourself: Touch objects such as furniture, the podium, a glass of water or a bottle—anything that belongs to the physical world. The physical world is NOW and it will never betray you like thoughts do. The physical world brings us back to reality. It is the only mechanism that can anchor us in our performance.

Gravity, balance and breathing are your best allies when things get a bit scary. Feel the weight of your body, breathe deeply several times consciously, and realize that the mind and all its thoughts are not to be identified with. They are not real. Stop giving them your focus and energy—at least realize that you are giving them a lot of attention. Lastly, remember that mind is a tool, not your boss, your landlord, or your master. It should only operate in the background at the service of your intentions, and for your benefit.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

I have learned one elementary truth: people are not their fears, their doubts, or the ridiculous stories running loops in their heads. People are geniuses waiting to explode onto the stage of their destiny. My job is to hand them the match with a smile.

I live by a single code: my brain and body run my life, not my mind. My mind is a precious tool for research, stimulation, creative ideas, and communication with others—not my guide, my guru, my boss, or my friend. I wait to move when energy kicks in. Just like a wave is part of the ocean, thinking is in the flow of my life.

I deal in transformation, without apologies. I see people in technicolor. The masterpiece is inside every being. Sometimes I provoke and challenge self-imposed limitations, but my true aim is to nurture, empower, and educate. I don’t pretend to have all the answers. But I know this: the development of self—especially self-reliance—is an education that matters most, because every decision is in fact a direction. It determines the quality of our experiences and their outcome. If there’s a thread that runs through everything I do, it’s this: trust life and trust yourself—it will set you free.

Outside of work? I keep my world simple, cooking like a mad scientist, traveling occasionally to recalibrate, and learning piano to keep me humble. Humor—sharp and unrelenting—is my weapon against the dullness of small talk. I write and publish articles about topics that inspire me. I spend countless hours in conversation with my wife, deepening our understanding of life, each other, and the one thing that truly matters to us: awareness.

Critical Skills to Empower Your Journey & Light up Your Soul

Since 1989, upon founding the Eric Stone Studio in Los Angeles, I have been coaching professional actors & voice artists, as well as business professionals.

“All Great Outcomes in Life Come from a Paradigm Shift in Perspective.”