Self-Confidence & Assertiveness Essential Skills
Exposing the Powerful Connection Between Confidence and Certainty
“If I have lost confidence in myself, I have the universe against me.”
~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Self-confidence has long been associated with having a conviction, a positive self-image, a strong spine, resoluteness, courage and inner strength on one hand, and with arrogance, audacity, presumption, shamelessness and self-importance in the extreme. At another frequency, the absence of self-confidence is often associated with doubt, spinelessness or shyness on one side and with selflessness, modesty and humility on the other.
Allow me to assert that self-confidence is a matter of certainty. Certitude is a state of complete reliance and assurance on something we absolutely know to be true and can stand on. It is most empowering. The feeling of confidence is reached once a foundation of certainty has been established. Therefore, certainty acts as the structure for the fulfillment of confidence. If you are certain you are very likely to feel confident. Doubt and certainty do not mix at all.
Consider a tightrope walker. Their confidence isn’t the absence of fear; it is the absolute certainty in their skill, balance, and movements in the moment. This level of certainty enables them to step forward, making confidence something built on solid knowledge. The same can be said in public speaking. When a skilled speaker knows their subject inside out—passionate about its relevance and clear about what skills to use to draw the audience in—they exude confidence. Without that, their delivery can feel hesitant, uncertain.
Science is also founded on certainty. Theories are not certainties. The Wright Brothers did not arrive at flying an airplane theoretically. Gravity is certain—it isn't a theory. So are all communication and public speaking dynamics. When you plant firmly in your body and breathe with absolute certainty in front of an audience, it generates massive confidence on the side of the speaker and contagious relaxation in the audience. The same happens in one-on-one communications or within social circles.
Saying "I am confident" doesn’t generate confidence; however, when we’re certain about our passion for a subject, confidence arises naturally. Certainty, then, is a kind of “knowing,” and it is from this knowing that self-confidence is generated. It is rooted in truths we can rely on. Without realizing it, we become “certainty seekers.” Certainty connects us to our sense of truth, which anchors our confidence.
Certainty as Accountability
It is certainty that empowers us to face challenges and cope with difficult situations. The most basic certainty is that we exist. To believe in yourself and your potential success is a matter of being certain about the facts and actions that support your goals. At that level, certainty becomes an accountability. In my view, self-confidence is an art—an art of generating confidence about anything and from a myriad of possible certainties.
Assertiveness is about being able to stand up for what you know to be certain. Without certainty, confidence falters. Imagine being at a party where you know no one; you feel uneasy, maybe even awkward. The instant you spot someone familiar, there’s a palpable shift—suddenly, you feel comfortable and at ease. This feeling of comfort stems from the certainty of connection. By embracing certainty as our base, we cultivate the freedom to communicate powerfully and authentically, transforming every interaction into an opportunity for grounded confidence.
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