The Art of Confrontation
Why Does Authenticity Always Begin with Transparency?
Given the complexity of our daily lives, confrontation is often viewed as something to be avoided—a source of aggression such as in a clash of opinions, a heated argument, or an armed conflict. Yet, at its core, it is an inherent life force that drives us steadily toward self-realization.
This essay explores the sacred trinity of truth, spirit, and behavior, revealing how truth, when confronted and accepted, ignites the spirit and seeks embodiment through behavior. Far from being merely an external conflict, confrontation is the dynamic process through which we align with our most authentic selves, liberating our spirit from the grip of outdated truths and unleashing its transformative power into the world.
There are vast differences between aggression as a basic and blind survival mechanism and the art of assertiveness. Living in alignment with our truth is the ultimate path to aliveness and well-being. The premise is simple: how could anything be affirmed, claimed, or asserted if one was deprived of being able to confront what is in the way?
The Invisible Context of Our Existence
In nature, this truth is easily observed. Trees fight to find the necessary light to survive. Waves relentlessly crash against the shore, reshaping coastlines. But for humans, with our reflective consciousness, life occurs on subtler levels. Yet, every breath we take is a confrontation between our body and gravity. Every movement, every spoken word, engages countless micro-adjustments, each one confronting physical, emotional, and mental elements. Blood running through our veins, cells regenerating—all of life is a dance of confrontation.
Life is energy in motion and requires constant clashes to validate itself. Consider gravity, the unseen force that everything on Earth contends with to survive and thrive. A snowflake falls, a flower blooms, a bird moves its wings—each one a small yet significant act of confronting the world around it. The same holds true for human actions: starting a car, hitting a tennis ball, giving birth, standing in front of an audience, criticizing a strategy, and making love. Even the profound stillness of meditation is made possible through the body’s continual confrontation with time and breath.
Collectively, we've distanced ourselves from the profound art of confrontation, which paradoxically forms the backbone of confident living, playing, and working. There is a superstition that confrontation will lead to anger, shame, guilt, regret, or hurt. But confrontation is not something to be feared or avoided. Consider this: when we confront our fears, we ultimately triumph. Whether it's navigating a difficult situation, challenging a falsehood, addressing failure, exploring possibilities, seizing opportunities, facing a mess, embarking on a new business venture, or even standing before an audience, fear becomes the perfect catalyst for transformation. Confrontation isn't just about external conflicts; it's about embracing a universal context that makes us whole and complete. It's the path to rediscovering our innate potential.
The Art of Confrontation
To confront is to possess the remarkable ability to face challenges without flinching or fleeing. It's not about aggression or passive aggression but about clarity and engagement. The art of confrontation is inherently natural, a process that allows us to address reality head-on. Both laughter and joy are steeped in confrontation as well, for they require a full engagement with life and the breaking of emotional barriers.
When we confront, we immerse ourselves fully, engaging in thoughtful introspection within the confrontation itself, rather than planning for it beforehand. This is where the true risk and challenge lie. The capacity to confront isn’t just a personal attribute; it’s a showcase of attractiveness and charisma, revealing our character to the person we love or to the world. An unchallenged character remains mere potential—waiting, dormant. Only through confrontation can we transform potential into action.
Both aliveness and well-being are functions of the art of confrontation. To be alive is to both confront and be receptive to it. The need to be assertive or confrontational comes up all the time, yet some people will do almost anything to avoid it. It is one of the superstitions we live with.
Self-Discovery Through Confrontation
While we often associate confrontation with interactions involving others, its deepest power lies in our relationship with ourselves. To know yourself is to confront openly what you feel and think. From this vantage point, it nurtures and builds confidence and self-esteem. Knowing oneself requires the open investigation of our inner thoughts and emotions. From this internal friction, the courage to be authentic is born. The fears, thoughts, and ideas that we avoid confronting don’t disappear—they simply linger, draining our energy and vitality. By choosing to face these inner challenges, we free ourselves.
For this purpose, there’s a technique called: point of view. Externalizing thoughts and feelings is extremely therapeutic for all aspects of life, especially in matters of communication and public speaking. Success contains elements of exposure, and by confronting what we feel and what we think, we thus reveal who we are in the public eye. The problem is that most people stop at what they feel or think and do not go as far as exposing "how they feel about what they feel or think". A point of view is an emotional attitude. Until a feeling becomes an attitude, it cannot make an impact. A feeling such as being excited or passionate requires an attitude or take, to act as a platform from which to become effective. I feel passionate and "it's time to show it". "It's time to show it" acts as the missing attitude or platform from which to fire your passion. Otherwise, passion is just energy without channeling and a purpose.
Political correctness is an avoidance of confrontation; so is being nice, polite, apologizing, and hiding without an authentic reason. There’s nothing admirable about playing small to avoid the very life that we all share. Confronting an audience is one of the hardest things to do simply because there is so much of who we are that we have never confronted before nor created healthy attitudes about. We simply forgot how to take a stand for what we believe in or intend to do. To take a stand is to find the emotional attitude behind our thoughts and feelings to share it with others and present it with impact.
Confrontation is not inherently destructive. It is simply a force, much like fire—capable of both refining and transforming. When we avoid confrontation, we are like a blacksmith who never heats the iron—left with raw material that never takes shape. Life demands that we engage with it directly. Whether it’s addressing failure, exploring new possibilities, standing in front of an audience, or embarking on a new business venture, confrontation leads to self-realization. The true art of confrontation is not about conflict for conflict’s sake; it’s about embracing the friction necessary for growth, healing, and the rediscovery of our innate potential.
Confrontation as a Path to Well-being
In the realm of relationships, partnerships, or family ties, truth and transparency are the primary ingredients to maintain a healthy connection or bond. In a sense, confrontation is the lifeblood of trust. Without direct engagement with hidden or undeclared truths, relationships stagnate, becoming mere shadows of what they could be. The avoidance of confrontation may offer temporary relief, but it erodes the authenticity necessary for true connection. Like setting a broken bone, the discomfort of confrontation is the path to healing and growth.
The Power of Self-Talk and Externalization
To aid in this journey of self-discovery, I employ a technique I call "talking to yourself." The act of externalizing our thoughts and emotions through self-dialogue proves to be profoundly therapeutic across all facets of life. This principle finds its roots in the world of acting and art, where individuals unlock their innate capacity to confront by externalizing their inner selves. This process is an authentic dialogue between you and your true feelings. You place an object the size of a quarter at the same distance you would in a one-on-one conversation. You begin using a skill called “spotting”. You spot the object, stay focused on it the whole time, and start a dialogue and say: “Do you see me?” or “I see you, do you see me?”. Once you sense that you are seen, you continue by only asking yes or no questions or making simple assertions: “Are you comfortable talking?”, “I want to know how you feel, do you want to know how I feel?”, etc. Go as far as you can. The only rule is you cannot stray from the object (you).
As George Bernard Shaw eloquently put it, "Acting is the art of revealing yourself to yourself, raised to the optic of the theater." In simpler terms, genuine revelation occurs only when we confront our true selves, especially in the public eye. Public expression inadvertently exposes and externalizes what we are willing to confront, providing us with a platform for self-realization.
The World’s A Stage of Confrontation
The world unfolds as a grand stage only when we muster the courage to externalize and confront our desires and needs in life, in our interactions with people, and in the face of challenging situations. It becomes essential to acknowledge that political correctness often serves as a means to evade confrontation. Yet, there's nothing commendable about shrinking away from what we know to be true.
For instance, confronting an audience stands as one of the most formidable challenges, precisely because it forces us to confront dimensions of ourselves that we've never encountered before. Speaking or performing in public acts as a subconscious platform for profound self-revelation, leading to a deepening of self-knowledge and a profound sense of vitality and confidence. The same goes for confronting a truth we have withheld with someone we care about.
Imagine not being afraid of the truths that are in your heart. Can we make truth our friend? After all, truth is like numbers, it doesn’t want anything from you. It’s either truth or fear. Most existential fear is an avoidance (often in disguise) of a specific truth we kept secret. Confrontation, no-matter how daunting, allows for a rebuilding of transparency and, as a by-product, a return to wellbeing. Unclarity is always an unborn truth.
Truth, Spirit, and Behavior as a Sacred Trinity
Truth, spirit, and behavior are not disparate elements; they move in harmony, forming an inseparable trinity that shapes our experience of life. This trinity is sacred because it represents the dynamic interplay between inner realization (truth), energetic force (spirit), and external expression (behavior). Truth, by its very nature, seeks externalization and revelation. It doesn't hide, nor does it remain dormant. It is constantly seeking a confrontation—eager to be seen, acknowledged, and embodied.
When we speak of spirit, we are speaking of that animating force ignited by truth. Once the truth is confronted, the spirit emerges, driven to find its corresponding behavior. Behavior, in this sense, is the embodiment of spirit—it’s where truth becomes manifest. Behavior is not merely action; it’s an expression of our deepest truths moving through us in tangible form.
When you arrive at a behavior born of truth, you are being yourself. There is no struggle because the spirit has found its rightful place in action. We are not spirits in the abstract, disconnected from reality. We are life in form. When our form is disconnected from spirit, we suffer. When we are hijacked by unwanted or untruthful spirits, our bodies lose energy. They languish in suffering, weighed down by distorted truths we call lies. Growing up, we are often told what we should be, and what truths we should embody. However, these external impositions lead to distortion. Suffering, at its core, is the result of unidentified or unclaimed truths that live inside us, waiting to be acknowledged and expressed.
Finding Your Truth and Expressing It
A powerful technique is to find the truth of your heart and speak it—allow it to take form. A simple but profound example: “I am not 13 anymore.” This statement is not just a fact; it’s a declaration of a truth, a spirit energy that demands expression and must be lived through behavior. Much like a character in a play, the truth within us seeks to live its life fully. It is through this confrontation with our truths that we discover how to move through the world authentically.
Ask yourself: Are you living your truths? Or someone else’s? Perhaps an outdated truth? Are you being held hostage by a spirit that does not belong to you—a truth that was imposed on you but never resonated? These are important questions because truth is the very medium through which we exist and thrive.
To live in alignment with your truth, take the time to list the truths that currently run your life. Evaluate them: Are they heartfelt or imposed? You can cancel an untruth by aiming an arrow straight from your heart into the core of that untruth. For example, if you fear tomorrow, remind yourself that tomorrow does not exist. This truth, simple as it may be, dissolves the anxiety surrounding the unknown future. Establishing and living your truths requires diligence and courage because the mind, like an AK-47, often fires endless rounds of untruths, 24/7. The mind is addicted to untruths, and these falsehoods take root in our behavior, poisoning our form with unaligned actions.
The body, however, is only interested in truths that come from the heart. This is why the brutality of the world, in its many forms, is a manifestation of thousands of years of untruths dominating collective behavior. Mean-spiritedness is nothing more than behavior disconnected from heartfelt truth, and this same brutality is mirrored in our personal lives when we live out behaviors that are not connected to our inner truths.
Untruths as Possession
When we are holding on to untruths, we feel possessed. Why? Because truth always has a spirit, and that spirit demands expression through behavior. If we are not aware of the truths that govern our lives, we end up living out behaviors that don’t belong to us—creating internal conflict, angst, and a sense of invasion. Discovering and naming these untruths is a deeply freeing process. When we replace them with heartfelt truths, we reclaim our vitality.
The catch-22 is that we are so conditioned to identify with our feelings, which are nothing more than motorized spirits, that we rarely question their source. But behind every feeling is a truth waiting to be uncovered. Many of the belief systems we hold—whether it be astrology, religious dogma, or cultural norms—are built on truths that once had relevance but may no longer serve us. They exist as spirits in form, seeking behaviors. When we adopt behaviors not meant for us, we suffer.
Self-love, then, is the journey of validating individual truths and rejecting the outdated untruths that no longer resonate. It’s about discovering which truths are truly ours and living in alignment with them.
The Danger of Imposed Truths
Abuse and intolerance arise when we impose untruths on ourselves or others—either blindly or consciously. Controlling others through false truths, or forcing ourselves to live by untruths, is the root of suffering. It’s not enough to simply label something as false or a lie. We must actively declare, “This is not my truth.” Truth ignites through confrontation, just as fire was discovered through the friction of two rocks. In the same way, it’s the friction of confronting our untruths that allows us to domesticate and harness the fire of our truths.
Jealousy, for example, is the act of imposing an untruth onto someone else—holding them hostage to a false belief about who they are. It’s an energetic manipulation that forces another person to adopt a behavior that does not align with their truth. A powerful counter-truth is this: “I cannot be compared to anyone.” This truth liberates both you and others from the prison of imposed expectations.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
A New Stage for Business | Outstanding Skills in Public Speaking, Business Communication, and Negotiation are the Foundation of our Training Solutions.
In business as in sports, talent is king.
Competence is the bridge between talent and outcome. Therefore, skills catalyze talent and realign purpose with potential.
“Helping clients leverage the potential energies within themselves and their organization. To communicate with others effectively, achieve stretched goals, and demonstrate accountability.”
Public speaking & Business Communication relies on skill dynamics of self-confidence, clear intentions, and authenticity. Targeting organic body language, the immediate by-products are increased self-awareness, impact, and credibility.
More than 25 years of experience and insights into performance, leadership & self-development. Because of a long background in the performing arts and a unique dive into psychology (Behavioral, Cognitive, and Humanistic) as it relates to self-development, I was inspired to work with countless individuals outside of show business. Executives, leaders, entrepreneurs, CEOs, marketing strategists, athletes, celebrities, universities, etc.
Quantum Design Connection Business Communication & Negotiations
Speakers & Artists International Speaking & Media Engagements
Hollywood Actors Studio Self-Development & Performance
Aquadigigraphy A New Look at Art
Book Author
“Essential Skills Aligning Purpose with Potential”
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