The Art of Belonging
The First Step to Authentic Personal Power
Have you ever witnessed a performance that stopped time? An actor so present, a singer so alive, or a speaker so anchored that the room itself seemed to breathe with them? That kind of presence doesn’t come from talent alone. It comes from something deeper: the undeniable sense that the person belongs—right there, in that moment.
But this isn’t just a performance phenomenon. It’s a life phenomenon. Whether in a conversation, a boardroom, a relationship, or alone with oneself, those who belong to themselves emanate something rare: clarity. Confidence. Power. Not the kind that shouts—but the kind that grounds.
To belong is not to blend in. It is to harmonize with the present moment. It means inhabiting your body, claiming your space, and meeting life as it is. Presence always begins here. Plant. Anchor. Stay. These are not soft concepts. They are the foundational power tools of authentic expression—and the true gateways to the kingdom of belonging.
Self-Consciousness
The power to stay and belong is the true foundation of any successful relationship, project or enterprise. It acts as an invisible dynamic, which nonetheless, speaks volumes. Conversely, when we are self-conscious, we are no longer in touch with our feelings nor our body sensations. To be self-conscious is to hover outside of the present and evaluate—How do I look? Am I interesting? Do I sound good?
Psychologically speaking, all self-consciousness is excess thinking. It is a disguised fear. And fear always whispers one thing and one thing only: leave now! It asks us to abandon the moment, to contract rather than expand, to shrink instead of stand—essentially to flee.
Question: how can you build anything if you are constantly leaving? Think of a relationship where one of the partners is insecure in the relationship, feeling like they do not belong 100%. The other partner always feels like they are on the verge of leaving—for good!
When we are self-conscious, we technically stop belonging and to stop belonging is to start leaving. I call the process of belonging an "appetite" and it can be developed. Most of us are self-conscious about aspects of ourselves such as our bodies, the way we look, the way we sound, the jobs we hold, the money we make, if we are interesting, attractive, etc. As a result, we suppress our natural desire to belong and feel good in front of a group or anywhere for that matter. All self-consciousness is a disguised intention to suppress our sense of belonging.
Planting and anchoring my physical and emotional self into the earthy elements at hand, ground me in a reality that does not play tricks on me, unlike my fears, thoughts or emotions. I slowly become more present and comfortable.
This is why I describe belonging as an appetite—it’s something you can awaken and grow. It is a hunger for authenticity, for presence, for connection. But it must be practiced. For instance, in public speaking, that practice may look like feeling your feet on the floor and the weight of your body, breathing deeply and calmly, and choosing to stay visible even when vulnerable. In daily life, it may mean listening without preparing your next thought, walking into a room without shrinking, or saying what you truly mean with intention.
Presence is Contagious
To willingly be here—in this body, in this moment, in this room—is a radical act. It is an act of leadership, and it is contagious. Whether you’re speaking on stage or sitting across from a friend, people sense when you are anchored in something deeper than your thoughts. Thoughts are unstable terrain: they shift, multiply, and distort. But your breath, your weight, your gravity—these do not lie. They return you to what is real.
We cannot anchor in our thoughts. We cannot belong in thought, because thoughts are projections. They create imagined futures and exaggerated fears. The audience sitting before you—or the person across the table—is never quite the version your mind constructs. But your body knows what’s true. And when you plant in that truth, others feel safe to join you.
The pain of not belonging can be subtle or crushing. It shows up as chronic self-monitoring, imposter syndrome, isolation, burnout. It keeps us from speaking, standing, and taking creative risks.
Ultimately, as a communicator, as a creator, as a human being, I can only invite others to believe what I believe, to go where I’m willing to go myself. My desire to belong here—to be seen, heard, felt, grounded, and connected—becomes the channel for every meaningful encounter, whether in front of a thousand people or with just one.
Belonging is not a final state. It is a continual connection to the “now”. A practice. A muscle. A declaration. And it changes everything. Because here’s the secret: when you belong to yourself, you give others permission to do the same. And that is the most powerful form of leadership there is.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
I have learned one elementary truth: people are not their fears, their doubts, or the ridiculous stories running loops in their heads. People are geniuses waiting to explode onto the stage of their destiny. My job is to hand them the match.
I deal in transformation, without apologies. I see people in technicolor. The masterpiece is inside every being. Sometimes I provoke and challenge self-imposed limitations, but my true aim is to nurture, educate, and empower.
Outside of work? I keep my world simple. I cook like a mad scientist, travel to feed my senses, and I play piano.
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Such an important topic right now, thanks for this!