What Rules Your Life & Creates Your World?
An extraordinary Journey Beneath the Surface of Our Existence. What are the Hidden Forces that Influence Our Perception of Reality?
Fish to Water, Bird to Air, Man to His Beliefs
Much like fish or birds are unaware of the “context” they exist in (water and air), we often remain oblivious to the hidden contexts that govern our existence. It limits our potential and yet shapes our world in ways we rarely acknowledge.
I. Trapped in the Same Filters
While we often think of ourselves as open-minded and objective, our approach to ourselves, our circumstances, and others is frequently filtered and obscured by pre-existing perspectives and unseen prejudice. Our upbringing, values, religious beliefs, past experiences, and cultural conditioning are powerful influencers that can reduce our capacity for growth.
Let’s identify the filters that color our relationships and circumstances. An awareness of these filters and recognition of the striking limits they impose allow us the freedom to see them for what they are and eventually shift them. As a result, people, situations, and our approach to business and life can alter dramatically.
II. The Hidden Power of Context
What are the “hidden contexts” that can prevent finding fulfillment? To illustrate the concept of "hidden contexts" and their profound influence, let's consider the emotionally charged "Gender Inequality" phenomenon in the professional world. There are ingrained societal beliefs about gender roles, such as the hidden context that men are more suited for leadership positions. These subconscious cultural beliefs will undoubtedly influence hiring and promotion decisions.
These hidden contexts shape what individuals see as possible or appropriate for them. Women might unconsciously adjust their career aspirations, not because of a lack of ability or ambition, but due to the subtle yet pervasive influence of these contexts. These subconsciously embedded beliefs are like water to fish—so natural and unquestioned that they become invisible. However, they have a profound effect on behavior and opportunities.
Mindsets are also acting as contexts. For instance, the belief that intelligence and abilities are static and unchangeable. Students with a fixed mindset might think, "I'm just not good at math". These beliefs can lead to avoiding challenges, giving up easily, and feeling threatened by the success of others, as they see it as evidence of their own shortcomings.
In all human endeavors, it is the context that rules our lives and the results we produce. The hidden contexts from which we live determine what we see and what we don’t see; what we consider and what we fail to notice; what we can do, and what seems beyond our reach. All behavior — all ways of being and acting — are correlated to the hidden contexts from which we live our lives. Conversely, we can operate from an empowering context such as “I can do this” or “I love challenging myself”.
Typically, context is understood as “the circumstances” that form the setting for an event, statement, or idea. However, context possesses a different mythology.
Context, from this new viewpoint, is not merely a circumstance. It is the medium that makes life possible. By recognizing and becoming aware of our inherited beliefs, perspectives, and strong-held opinions as the true motors behind our everyday decisions, we can create different results.
When undesired or destructive contexts are revealed, we can begin to see the degree to which they govern our everyday lives. This realization offers us a choice about who we are and our ability to generate new positive contexts.
III. The Vicious Cycle
Human beings tend to confuse “what happened” with the “story” we tell ourselves and others about what happened. Imagine you send an important text message to a friend, asking for advice or sharing some significant news. You wait for a response, but hours pass and you hear nothing. You start to feel anxious or upset, thinking: "My friend is ignoring me" or "They don't care about me or what I have to say and they're angry with me".
In this situation, the objective fact is simply that your message hasn't been answered yet. However, the story you create around this fact can vary widely.
Confusing what happened with interpretations of what happened becomes a truth. This collapse occurs so quickly that it becomes hard to separate the two, and we think of them as the same. Over time, the story we tell ourselves becomes the reality we believe is true. We fail to realize that we are confusing what happened with the opinions and judgments we or others have about it. This confusion then limits what is possible in our lives, robbing us of much of our joy, self-expression, confidence, and effectiveness.
When we can separate what happened from our story or interpretation of what happened, we discover that much of what we considered already determined, given, and fixed may not be that way at all.
Situations that may have been challenging become fluid and open to change. We find ourselves no longer limited by a finite set of options and able to achieve what we want with new ease, commitment, and enjoyment.
IV. Deceptions and Innocent Trickeries: The Payoff and the Cost
When we behave in unproductive ways, and use complaints excessively, chances we are being deceitful. It often stems from the perception that something shouldn’t be the way it is. There is a definite avoidance in this process.
Often, we don’t notice that while our complaints and gossip about them may seem justified, even legitimate, there is a certain payoff — some advantage or benefit we are receiving that reinforces this cycle of behavior. Typically, the payoff is being right and avoiding accountability and responsibility for making things work. Another popular payoff is looking good, exaggerating our worth, or pretending everything is fine when it is not.
At the same time, this way of being has steep costs, almost 100% of the time, in our vitality, confidence, affinity, self-expression, or sense of fulfillment.
By recognizing this pattern, its costs, and how we have been keeping the pattern in place, we have the choice to interrupt the cycle and discover new ways of interacting that lead to new levels of happiness, satisfaction, and fulfillment in areas that are most important to us.
The signpost is simple: wherever and whenever there is an illegitimate complaint or obvious gossip, vitality, confidence, affinity, and self-expression go out the window. It is to the degree that the cost (workability) is far less important than the payoff (being right) that we quit this kind of racket.
By adopting a professional attitude and making productive win-win solutions more important than looking good or being right, problems magically disappear.
Speaking Engagements | Self-Development | Business Communication & Leadership
Essential Skills to Catalyze Potential & Align Purpose with Talent. If you need coaching, please call or text (323) 986-6363 or go to my contact page here
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
I have learned one elementary truth: people are not their fears, their doubts, or the ridiculous stories running loops in their heads. People are geniuses waiting to explode onto the stage of their destiny. My job is to hand them the match.
I live by a single truth: my brain and body run my life, not my mind. My mind is a precious tool for research, stimulation, creative ideas, and communication with others—not my guide, my guru, my boss, or my friend. Energy inspires me, not thoughts. I wait to move and flow when my instincts kick in. The thinking is in the flow, just like a great wave is always part of the ocean.
I deal in transformation, without apologies. I see people in technicolor. The masterpiece is inside every being. Sometimes I provoke and challenge self-imposed limitations, but my true aim is to nurture, educate, and empower.
Outside of work? I keep my world simple. I cook like a mad scientist, travel to feed my senses, and I play piano. Humor—sharp and unrelenting—is my weapon against the dullness of small talk. I write daily and publish articles about topics that inspire me. I spend countless hours in conversation with my wife, deepening our understanding of life, each other, and the one thing that truly matters: awareness.
I don’t pretend to have all the answers. But I know this: the development of self—especially self-reliance—is the only education that matters, because every decision we make is in fact a direction. It determines the quality of our experiences and their outcome. If there’s a thread that runs through everything I do, it’s this: trust life and trust yourself—it will set you free.
Critical Skills to Empower Your Journey & Light up Your Soul
Since 1989, upon founding the Eric Stone Studio in Los Angeles, I have been coaching professional actors & voice artists, as well as business professionals.
Today, I am a Husband | Performance Coach | Visual Artist & Talent Developer As an Actor & Director, I Worked in New York & Hollywood from 1979 to 2015 | Broadway | Soaps | & Dubbing Artist in over 400 Films & Animated Series |
“All Great Outcomes in Life Come from a Paradigm Shift in Perspective.”
I am grateful that you are willing to share your wisdom. Thank you for another inspiring article.