Stop Being Self-Conscious When You Speak! Learn How & Never Forget.
Self-consciousness has very specific roots. It can paralyze our self-expression and break our flow—in one moment! How do you deal with it and conquer the day?
When the stakes are high, such as confronting someone who wronged us or speaking in front of an audience, we often struggle to be our true selves and operate freely. Here's how to handle those moments and put an end to this annoying affliction.
The game and agenda of a confident person is to consistently thrive to operate in a zone where they are in charge. To be in control you must be calm, resolved, and clear about what you are doing. It’s true in sports, business, any battlefield, and social circles.
Self-consciousness arises when we stop being committed to what we are doing. It happens in a flash. In other words, when you are completely involved in an action or a task, there is no “time” for self-consciousness. There is an enormous difference between watching yourself do something and being engrossed in it. Tennis is a great example and can be used freely to help in understanding the process of self-consciousness.
When your eyes stop seeing the ball in tennis, you are now present to feelings and thoughts “about the ball”. Only seeing the ball can help you hit it perfectly with your racket and position yourself on the court. This metaphor is the key to ending self-consciousness on its track.
You could easily state that when your eye is off the ball, you are actually inviting the chaos of your thoughts to enter and disrupt the play. For a soldier, for instance, moving away from our metaphorical ball can cost lives. By treating situations at that level of attention, it is impossible to succumb to self-consciousness.
Being a Professional Doer
In my case, I acted on stage and on camera for many years. Staying involved with what your character is doing is the key to avoiding being conscious of the audience or the camera. You literally ignore them, as if they are not there so you can focus on your actions. It’s the same for a speaker, an athlete, a soldier, a tennis player, a musician, a surgeon, a dancer, or a debater.
As an athlete, you concentrate on executing your skills and strategies, blocking out the spectators and the pressure of the competition.
As a surgeon: Maintain a laser focus on the details of the procedure and patient, relying on your focus while disregarding the potential for mistakes or the presence of observers.
As a debater: Engage deeply with your arguments and counterpoints, treating it as a dynamic intellectual exchange that requires all your energy and attention, rather than a performance under scrutiny.
By immersing yourself in the task at hand and focusing on your actions, you can avoid any distractions, or external pressures, allowing your true capabilities to shine.
In a nutshell, being yourself in these arenas is to fully embrace your actions and tasks at hand. Stay calm, collected, centered, facial expressions relaxed, focused, alert, in control, and ready to engage fully are some of the qualities necessary to demonstrate that indeed, you are being yourself and a true professional.
What a treat for an audience or whomever you are speaking to for that matter, to witness these qualities in action. You become the star of the show in an instant!
Further Techniques
Okay, but how do you get there while being watched, scrutinized, or even judged?
The keys are (1) Autonomy and (2) Putting yourself first. Your natural sense of self and its expressions emerge in front of anyone as a direct function of your complete autonomy and desire to be in charge.
You are the only active ingredient when you express yourself in public. You must come first when it comes to performance. It is a uniquely selfish process.
That selfishness is a “professional stance” and a true expression of your caring about your activity, craft, or business. It’s not a contradiction except so many people ignore this brand of selfishness. Just like an actor has to ignore the camera to act freely, any person must do the same in their respective field.
If you’re not in charge and accountable, who will? The practical application is to always let your presence and focus speak first. When you allow your mind to speak without the full presence of the body, you automatically go out of rhythm and out of timing as well. You become self-conscious.
Body Language Secret
It is commonly understood that speaking well is up there in the competition for excellence and attention. Nothing could be further from the truth.
People watch our body language but not our bodies.
At a whopping 65% ratio, they focus on your facial expressions first. Is your face matching what your words are saying? Often the face says “I’m scared as really nervous” while the words say “Good evening, it’s great to be here”.
Second, they listen to the tone of your voice at 30%. Is the tone confident, reassuring, relaxed, or is it tentative, shy, nervous, etc.?
Audiences or people for that matter do not listen to your words until they see your face and hear your voice. Speaking accounts for a 5% ratio of interest. It’s like driving with 5% air in your tires.
The Skill to Conquer Self-consciousness
Drop in your body’s weight, make it your only focus.
Feel the weight and start feeling your breathing.
Let your face, postures, gestures, and voice tone do the communicating FIRST.
The confident relaxation benefits are enormous and your credibility, talent, and purpose are then revealed effortlessly.
Whether we do it professionally or not, we’re always speaking and expressing in one form or another. Public speaking, communicating, acting, and performing are different variations of our human self-expression mediums that require the use of the “language of confidence”.
Confidence Begins in the Body
A good dancer or musician will tell you that their confidence is rooted in their ability to stay physical (the weight of your body and limbs) throughout the performance. Losing your violin, your guitar, or slipping for a dancer is not an option.
When it Comes to Communication, Your Body is Your Instrument
Confidence is mechanical and extraordinarily physical. Presence is physical, and so is listening. It is sound that makes it to your ears. Then the brain translates the sound waves into concepts so we can understand what we see and hear. The brain is a physical organ as well.
Language becomes powerful when it does not betray the physical realm and therefore lacks confidence. All art forms are physical i.e. painting, music, writing, dancing, acting, etc.
The rest of our human activities do not escape this rule.
Sports: Physical prowess and skill are paramount. Athletes must train their bodies and minds to perform at peak levels, demonstrating the direct connection between physical preparation and success.
Public Speaking: The effectiveness of a speech relies on physical presence, including body language, eye contact, and vocal delivery, which all contribute to the overall impact.
Leadership: Effective leaders use their presence, gestures, and tone to inspire and guide their teams. Physical presence can convey confidence and authority.
Sales: Successful salespeople use physical cues, such as body language and facial expressions, to build rapport and trust with clients. A firm handshake, direct eye contact, and confident posture can influence outcomes.
Healthcare: Doctors and nurses rely on their physical interactions with patients to diagnose, treat, and comfort.
Construction: The physical act of building and crafting structures is fundamental. Precision, manual labor, and the use of tools all underscore the importance of physicality.
Culinary Arts: Chefs and cooks engage physically with their ingredients, using their hands and senses to create culinary delights.
Emergency Services: Firefighters, paramedics, and police officers depend on their physical alertness to respond to crises, save lives, and maintain public safety.
Embracing the physical aspects of these fields enhances confidence, skill, and overall performance.
Speaking Engagements | Self-Development | Business Communication & Leadership
Essential Skills to Catalyze Potential & Align Purpose with Talent. If you need coaching, please call or text (323) 986-6363 or go to my contact page here
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
I have learned one elementary truth: people are not their fears, their doubts, or the ridiculous stories running loops in their heads. People are geniuses waiting to explode onto the stage of their destiny. My job is to hand them the match.
I live by a single truth: my brain and body run my life, not my mind. My mind is a precious tool for research, stimulation, creative ideas, and communication with others—not my guide, my guru, my boss, or my friend. Energy inspires me, not thoughts. I wait to move and flow when my instincts kick in. The thinking is in the flow, just like a great wave is always part of the ocean.
I deal in transformation, without apologies. I see people in technicolor. The masterpiece is inside every being. Sometimes I provoke and challenge self-imposed limitations, but my true aim is to nurture, educate, and empower.
Outside of work? I keep my world simple. I cook like a mad scientist, travel to feed my senses, and I play piano. Humor—sharp and unrelenting—is my weapon against the dullness of small talk. I write daily and publish articles about topics that inspire me. I spend countless hours in conversation with my wife, deepening our understanding of life, each other, and the one thing that truly matters: awareness.
I don’t pretend to have all the answers. But I know this: the development of self—especially self-reliance—is the only education that matters, because every decision we make is in fact a direction. It determines the quality of our experiences and their outcome. If there’s a thread that runs through everything I do, it’s this: trust life and trust yourself—it will set you free.
Critical Skills to Empower Your Journey & Light up Your Soul
Since 1989, upon founding the Eric Stone Studio in Los Angeles, I have been coaching professional actors & voice artists, as well as business professionals.
Today, I am a Husband | Performance Coach | Visual Artist & Talent Developer As an Actor & Director, I Worked in New York & Hollywood from 1979 to 2015 | Broadway | Soaps | & Dubbing Artist in over 400 Films & Animated Series |
“All Great Outcomes in Life Come from a Paradigm Shift in Perspective.”
